Day 84 (Mon)

What a day! What a day. So this morning God wakes me up just before 4 am. I felt the need to look up pandora's box, but didn't find it, but I did find the "past" as a subject in my concordance in my Bible. God took me to different scriptures regarding "the past". I finished day 19 of 21 - I just couldn't do it last night feeling the way I was; even though today is 20 of 21 (I did get to it too later today). The funk I felt knowing I had to address the person today made me want to strink back and use busyness to occupy my time and avoid them. God is so loving, he had my leader to text me to let me know she was praying for me at the precise time I wanted to strink back and just brush the hurts back under the rug. "I've lived with it this long, may be I'm tripping" is what I told myself. I shared this with her via text and she evolved into a coach over the text. Her encouragement made me know I had to follow through. Well, I did. Today at lunch, tears and all. Questions and feelings I had never expressed. I feel that I emptied out completely; the well is dry. I asked God to fill it with Him, His love and His way; occupy that space until You show me what to do. I don't know if anybody else is experiencing anything like this, but when you surrender and really give God your all, I am amazed with the things He is causing me to address. He is freeing me for a reason, I'm sure if it is for no other reason than to serve Him better than I've been. I want to be elevated in Him, His way. In my quiet time this morning, it occurred to me that this matter that I had to address was a generational stronghold. My mother, grandmother and grandfather, aunts and uncles battled this but never addressed the hurt. They just brushed it under the proverbial rug and just moved on, so they think. I've learned that it may look like you moved on, but you are still hooked in with the unaddressed issue. I'm glad I made the leap.

It occurred to me that during this 90-Day Mandate, many people are focused on losing physical weight, but for me the mental weight is what I must lose. Also, I learned something about myself...when things are so deep that I don't want to address them or am overcome with fear, I just want to go to sleep (as in last night).

Thank you Lord for the deliverance you are allowing us to experience as the body of Christ.

I worked out today and addressed the matter for LASALLE PLACE. It actually looks like we are going to close the deal. Then, I found another house for a different client. I am thankful that I get to do what I enjoy (real estate)!