Day 84 (Mon)

What a day! What a day. So this morning God wakes me up just before 4 am. I felt the need to look up pandora's box, but didn't find it, but I did find the "past" as a subject in my concordance in my Bible. God took me to different scriptures regarding "the past". I finished day 19 of 21 - I just couldn't do it last night feeling the way I was; even though today is 20 of 21 (I did get to it too later today). The funk I felt knowing I had to address the person today made me want to strink back and use busyness to occupy my time and avoid them. God is so loving, he had my leader to text me to let me know she was praying for me at the precise time I wanted to strink back and just brush the hurts back under the rug. "I've lived with it this long, may be I'm tripping" is what I told myself. I shared this with her via text and she evolved into a coach over the text. Her encouragement made me know I had to follow through. Well, I did. Today at lunch, tears and all. Questions and feelings I had never expressed. I feel that I emptied out completely; the well is dry. I asked God to fill it with Him, His love and His way; occupy that space until You show me what to do. I don't know if anybody else is experiencing anything like this, but when you surrender and really give God your all, I am amazed with the things He is causing me to address. He is freeing me for a reason, I'm sure if it is for no other reason than to serve Him better than I've been. I want to be elevated in Him, His way. In my quiet time this morning, it occurred to me that this matter that I had to address was a generational stronghold. My mother, grandmother and grandfather, aunts and uncles battled this but never addressed the hurt. They just brushed it under the proverbial rug and just moved on, so they think. I've learned that it may look like you moved on, but you are still hooked in with the unaddressed issue. I'm glad I made the leap.

It occurred to me that during this 90-Day Mandate, many people are focused on losing physical weight, but for me the mental weight is what I must lose. Also, I learned something about myself...when things are so deep that I don't want to address them or am overcome with fear, I just want to go to sleep (as in last night).

Thank you Lord for the deliverance you are allowing us to experience as the body of Christ.

I worked out today and addressed the matter for LASALLE PLACE. It actually looks like we are going to close the deal. Then, I found another house for a different client. I am thankful that I get to do what I enjoy (real estate)!

Day 85 (Sun)

This day began interesting from the time my eyes opened to the end that I chose to be numb and disconcerted. I awakened out a dream that reminded me of someone in my very first cell group where I was the leader and an ordeal that occurred. I didn't realize how hurt I was over how the L instructed me to carry out (now what I call "faulty" wisdom) matters. The root of the matter from Day 86 came forth as well. I journalled about both of these and presented them to God, then though I perceived His instructions were to talk with my Leader, I struggled because my mind was saying something else. I chose to obey Holy Spirit rather than lean to my own understanding and experienced guidance that required me to really talk about a past matter with the person involved. Her prayer for me made be feel empowered to carry out the instructions.

Then my pastor of all days had be a part of the message to illustrate how we hear, respond and react from triggers rather than the truth of what is being said as a result of our childhood scars. While I didn't feel this was applicable with me and my son, I still asked God to reveal anything that could still be lingering. Okay, so we leave church and needed to stop by Walmart. I felt the need to park in the farthest side of the parking lot from the door and have my children walk with me not cut across the lot. Do you know during this time, my son shared with me the thing that I do that bothers him and what makes him not want to help me. I was glad and made defensive take the back seat. This gave me a chance to apologize and request that he not let things like this linger. I want to know. While I know I wasnt raised in a functional home, I believe that I can raise mine in one. So, even if I am in the wrong I too must be corrected also.

We exercised as a family around Stone Mountain. I've also agreed to run a half marathon in February! I've always wanted to do it, but now I will get to and have the training to condition my body for the 13 mile stretch.

Day 86 (Sat)

Day 86 - Saturday: I had the pleasure of attending a women's leadership meeting where I learned about providing a compelling reason for others to be apart of what you are offering, whether it is Christ, a church or anything else. In the midst of this great experience, I learned about the boat knot and how it will save my life which changed my perspective for wanting to know how to tie the knot. The one piece that was most life changing is I heard God through my leader encourage me to give Him the part of my heart that is behind lock and key. So, upon departing to do a favor for someone, my van broke down. I had the choice of seeing this as a negative which would take me out of my element or positively and with purpose which would compel me to spend this down time wisely. I chose the latter. I also used this time to give God that part of my heart that I haven't shared with anyone. Thinking that the pain that's behind that door was way to much to handle, that I would just move on and keep living. In giving that part to Him, I didn't expect Him to spring forth challenges within hours to have me to see what was really there. I was faced head on with a situation that reminded me of the past, except this time, I confronted the person in the most love I could muster up and even asked hard, pointed questions and acknowledged that the matter made me feel uncomfortable. Rather than flowing from my dysfunctional self, I chose to be healthy. My husband repaired the van (which is amazing within itself because he usually would just call someone else to do it). I still worked out that night before going to bed.

Day 87

Its been great! I've actually signed up with 6 REO/Asset Management Firms to list bank-owned properties and conduct BPOs, to include FannieMae. I feel like I have made progress.

I did eat healthy today. For some reason, I have been craving spinach, so I satisfied myself.

My lesson today, day 17 or 21 met me again where I was. Everyday there is an intention you write about in regards to the area of focus for the day. Today's focus was inspiration. I am pleased to report that I inspired someone and God turned around and blessed my socks off with someone inspiring/constructive advice to look at things from a varied perspective for the non-profit organization.

I did make contact with Chase & a negotiator has been assigned. I am believing the 3rd lienholder is going to take the $6k that is being offered and call it a day. I prayed before this call to the 3rd lienholder and it was as if God has subdued this man. He never responds as he did today. I'm glad the seller was on the call because he would not have believed me if I told him myself of this guy's response.

I am appreciating the small things lately and just thankful for the revelation and measures of obedience and my commitment to prayer. I seem to be praying a lot. Its good. I notice I am more even-tempered as a result.

Stay faithful...the weekend is not a time to spurge. If you are interested in joining me at the Mountain tomorrow afternoon, let me know. Peace.

Day 88...Was Great!

Today, was a great day! I began my day with God before doing anything else. I am amazed with the encounters and the progress of the day. The Bible says, "8Come close to God and He will come close to you..." and I experienced this with my Father today.

Last night, I stayed up creating a narrative of the initiatives for the non-profit org as a result of a request I received. I am committed to starting this organization. I'm glad I didn't give into sleep and allowed myself to be diligent. Energy seemed to exude everywhere within me. The sense of accomplishment that I experienced when I was done was great. Its like it set me up for the encounters I had today with another organization here in Gwinnett County who could be instrumental in the launch and solicitation for participants & partnering with other organizations. I am so thankful. Then, a meeting today with the broker of my real estate office resulted in me serving as the Education Coordinator for the office (which I am passionate about education & encouraging others to thrive). Also, to be a representative with a Community Development Group which focuses on the redevelopment/revitalization of Gwinnett County (without gentrification) and a Community Alliance organization. I'm so appreciative for the exposure. Its like the obedience I exercised on last night was a key that unlocked a door to the next thing or God's grace seems tangible. Against the backdrop of having to speak truth to someone who I don't know like that, but knowing what I was supposed to say and it turned out great - to following through on my word to talk with different people today - to learning of a program for foreign investors collaborations with community development - to being guided how to secure more SHORT SALE listings (which I enjoy working even though they are challenging) ALL OF IT HAS BEEN INSIGHTFUL information that I have put action towards.

I'm so glad that I purchased this CD series while in TJMaxx earlier this year of Joyce Meyers, entitled "Simply Pray". Some of the questions that Tice had that I was not articulating as clear as I would like to have was on disk 2! To see her on her way to school this AM, taking notes and backing up the track was great!

I've also been wondering about a missing ingredient to one of my hair products and I believe I've got it. I just used the mix to touch up my locs. It was inspired by one of my high-maintenance clients calling re: her toddler locs being more frizzy than usual. I prayed. So far, I do like what it feels like, looks like and the overall consistency that I haven't, before now, been able to achieve.

ACCOMPLISHED GOALS:
Quiet time
Completed order for Business Cards
Resolved 2008 tax matter (Submit docs)
Ordered Zennioptical for Children
Negotiator assigned for Lasalle Place - close to Short Sale Approval & Closing

NOTE: I had Open House at Tice's culinary arts school, so I ended up eating after 8pm to 820pm. I will also be adding "Replace office light fixture".

The Truth of the Matter...Day 89

I'm so proud of myself! Today my quiet time was great. I just entered the last 7 days of the Consciousness Cleanse and once again I am left with "AHA!" I know I texted today about my struggle from last night and the fear. I chose to spend some time today in prayer about the matter, because it was truly like no other. The discovery...I realized that my fears were based on an old agreement from my childhood that my mother and grandmother made me feel that whatever I presented to them had to be perfectly or it wasn't good enough; or I learned from their responses that it had to be perfect so I wouldn't be judged harshly. My new agreement... "I am as perfect I can be in this moment as a work in progress. I do not need the validation and approval of others to feel good about myself or for what I create for myself. Any judgments that others have of me are just that "their judgments" and I choose to not subscribe to them nor embrace their own insecurities."

Here are the things I want to accomplish in the next now 89 days...(almost 88). I know I was probably a little more detailed than I needed to be, but its also MY checklist. Thanks for coming along with me on this journey. I look forward to seeing what's on "the other side".

SPIRITUAL ENRICHMENT:
• Daily quiet time; preferably first thing in the AM
• Initiate devotional time with children at least 3x out of the week, prayer, open discussion


DIETARY:
• Incorporate raw portions into our regular meals (have fun & experiment); sweet treats made by Mommie once per month.
• No eating after 8pm (unless meetings/other plans make it necessary; plan ahead)
• Remove chicken and turkey from my diet

PERSONAL ENRICHMENT:
• Finish 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse
• Complete “Why We Want You to be Rich” book questions
• Finish financial check-in for school; re-convene 9/20/10
• Work-out 4 days per week including cardio, weights & calisthenics
• Contact Dr. Rad re: retainers change; Contact GA Dr for physical


RELATIONAL:

• Weekly date night with Babe
• Weekly designated personal time with Benjamin & Tice separately (i.e., foot massage before bed, facials, outings/date night, etc.)

REAL ESTATE BUSINESS:
• Complete order for Business Cards
• Bring closure to - LASALLE PLACE
• Establish my services with 3 REO companies each week to position myself to list foreclosed properties & complete Broker Price Opinions (BPOs)
• RE (Real Estate) Promotions (phone prospect for new business (3days per week) & blog at least once per week
• Put 12 Properties on the market
• Attend GA NACA Meeting
• Begin researching franchise guidelines (re: transferring franchise to GA)
Research ATL 25 year plan - Visit w/Kasim Reed
• Establish greeting for my 800# to meet compliance state standards

HAIR BUSINESS:
• Signs for Loc Maintenance & internet marketing for business promo
• Labels and Product Distribution for Hair Products
• Website Development for The Natural Hair Experience, LLC & Update my RE site


NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION:
• Officially establish the non-profit organization
-Submit budget by 8/26/10
-Write out plans daily until completion…complete everything by 9/20/10

HOUSEHOLD:
• Get homeowner's insurance quote from USAA
• Get stuff from out of the basement - yard sale or donate by 9/6/10
• Resolve 2008 tax matter (Submit docs)
• Zennioptical for Children
• Appeal rental amount w/Housing Authority
• Resolve Cheverly Property Storm Matter
• Complete

90 Day Mandate - Day 90

Today my lesson was on The Power of Truth. I found it most enlightening to complete the assignments which required me to identify my old agreements and to replace them with new ones concerning the addictive behaviors I still have, me living a smaller expression of my soul's truth and the excuses, justifications, rationalizations and stories I tell myself about why I have not been able to create and change in various areas of my life. It is as though God is ushering me to a me that I have never known like this. Today was day number 14 on my 21 day journey and I'm so glad to be in this moment, able to be truly present. I'm learning to give myself time to grow into the wisdom and knowledge that God is putting before me and loving myself through this process of change.

To come...the commitments I have made to put into action.

Eve of 90-Day Challenge

I am extremely excited about this next leg of my journey! The 90-Day Challenge mandate seems so God-designed & God-inspired that its a reality check of how much my Daddy really loves me. I'm within days of reaching the anniversary of my one year anniversary of "getting out of my own way" (a personal challenge) God blesses me to be stretched to accomplish even greater than before. Its as though He has put me back on the potter's wheel, has begun His reshaping to the place that the old scars are being pressed out and signs of their existence is as a tool and not has a detriment to my Self. Then, He said today, "Let me build in a little courage into her and cause her to reach out to someone she never would've." And do you know, I obeyed and to my surprise, they reached back for accountability, too!

Daddy God, never cease to amaze me. I want to remain as a child, always expecting you to come through and surprise me. Thank you for giving me the courage to reach out with blind faith and then cause them to respond. You know I was not expecting that. I thought I did something by just completing the simple act.

When I Speak Your Name - Indiana Bible College IBC